Aaron is no great catch. So says Jessica Shaw, who wonders where on earth ''The Bachelor'''s producers got these lousy contestants
Aaron Buerge, The Bachelor

Aaron is no great catch

Can someone explain how on earth the producers of this sorry show managed to find 25 women who would want to go out with a Midwestern doofus who speaks like he’s addressing the bank staff?

Somehow, Aaron has made Alex look like Prince Harry. To make matters worse, his dating choices pale in comparison to those of our last Bachelor. Without a Trista in sight, the best of the lot were hottie Helene and the peppy Hayley from Oregon. Alas, Gwen looks like a salesgirl from a $1 shop, and Frances desperately needs…some work.

Aaron clearly has a thing for the blondes, as he seemed to avoid anyone who didn’t look like she was a corn-fed former sorority girl from a Midwestern farm town.

As for what Aaron is all about or how he will differ from Alex, it’s impossible to tell. I haven’t seen such a bland human being since the last time I deposited a check…. Wait! Was that him in my bank?

He says things like ”I’m doing wonderful” (C’mon, man, you’re on TV — at least try to sound like you have a third-grade education!), emphasizes that he’s looking for ”Mrs. Right” (Uh, buddy, if she’s Mrs. Right, she’s not so right…. How about Ms. Right?), and admits that he ”can’t recall a decision this difficult” in his life. He can’t recall a decision as difficult as letting 10 women he’s known for four seconds go home?

Still, he’s got that bank-teller-polite thing going, and he doesn’t act like he’s going to be a real Alex-esque womanizer. Of course, with such lame characters, some good womanizing drama could save the show. Hopefully, there will be plenty of catfights, tears, awkward pool moments, and complete mental breakdowns.

If the preview of the season was any indication, we’re going to be seeing quite a bit — far too much — of our Missouri man’s tongue. For someone who seems to have so little to say, he certainly likes to wag that tongue around a lot. Hopefully, there will be a woman or two who will realize that she may be desperate but not desperate enough to hang around waiting for bank boy and will turn down his rose.

Frankly, Aaron’s search for his future wife won’t keep me up at night, and the sooner this season is over, the sooner we move on to Trista’s ”Bachelorette” pad — which is what we’re all waiting for anyway.

What did you think of the episode?

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