What the country is talking about this week...

1 PRINCE HARRY The third in line to the British throne just turned 18. All the poor kid ever gets are hand-me-downs. Like Wales.

2 ANGELINA JOLIE She’s officially dropping Voight as her last name. From now on, she’d like to be billed as Angelina Loopy Wacky Nutjob.

3 THE FOUR FEATHERS One of those sun-never-sets-on-the-British-Empire films. Now they can barely afford to make a movie about it.

4 THE BANGER SISTERS A couple of groupies from the 1960s reunite some 30 years later. They complain about how hard it is to find support hose.

5 NICK NOLTE’S MUG SHOT He got arrested on suspicion of DUI. But whoever did his hair should be behind bars too.

6 LOGOS The only thing designer initials spell on your handbags this year is O-U-T. Real status is having someone who carries your bag for you.

7 PRIME-TIME EMMY AWARDS The winners should receive a statue of an overweight man on a sofa with a bag of potato chips in one hand and a beer in the other.

8 ROOMBA The $199 robot vacuum cleaner does the mindless chore for you. The only glitch is that it stops to watch soap operas all afternoon.

9 BIG BROTHER 3 A quick summary up to this week’s conclusion: ”I really, really, really, really love you guys. Get out.”

10 CSI: MIAMI Here’s the big question: Will the laws of chemistry and physics work the same in southern Florida as they do in Las Vegas?

11 BILLY JOEL He’s says he’s moving to Manhattan to meet women. Meeting women’s not his problem. It’s keeping them.

12 IN-LAWS In this new sitcom, Dennis Farina makes life miserable for his live-in son-in-law. Didn’t Norman Lear do something like this a few years ago?

13 FIREFLY A gang of futuristic misfits is forced to eke out a living on a low-rent spaceship. ”Will work for dilithium crystals.”

14 COMPLETELY DIFFERENT Sure, Presidio Med and MDs are both about caring doctors in San Francisco who buck the system. But one is on CBS — the other’s on ABC.

15 AMERICAN IDOL IN VEGAS The 30 finalists will perform. Each one will appear at a different wedding chapel.