The series has its first drunken threesome ever. As MTV hits a new low in broadcast journalism, Josh Wolk offers three lessons for impressionable viewers

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The Real World

The series has its first drunken threesome ever

What?s surprising isn?t that there was a threesome (Brynn, Trishelle, and Steven) on the Sept. 24 episode of “The Real World”; it?s that it took 12 seasons for one to happen. Every year a new cast arrives spouting sex-talk like they?re doing dramatic readings from “Debbie Does Bunim/Murray,” yet stubbornly never go beyond the traditional one-on-one action.

Sure, there was Mike, Melissa, and a random waitress sharing a shower in Miami, but we never actually saw anything happen, and all involved parties denied their triangulation. But in Las Vegas, there was visual, auditory, and salivary confirmation that they?d be scraping menage off of the sheets for the rest of the season.

Mind you, just because it wasn?t surprising in theory doesn?t mean my jaw didn?t drop to see it happen in reality. It?s no surprise that “did I mention I?m a bad girl” Brynn was the catalyst for the whole thing, considering she can?t have any conversation without inserting sex into it. When Trishelle and Steven were messing around in the bed next to her, she said, “I can?t stand the sound of making out next to me,” but then quickly added that she?d be up for a threesome. Can she finish any sentence without adding sexual ramifications to it? Here?s Brynn at lunch: “I really don?t like this tuna salad…but I?d sure f— the sandwich!”

Trishelle and Steven were doing just fine on their own, as was evident by their entangled tongues and such heartwarming pillow talk as Trishelle mumbling, “I?m gonna puke over here.” But the next night Brynn had a sixth sense that Trishelle really wanted to mix it up a bit and kiss her. That may seem insightful, but what MTV edited out was other footage of Brynn sensing that everybody else in the bar wanted to kiss her, too.

Well, not only did Brynn help Trishelle seize the day and her ass, but they all ended up in the bathtub, where the three of them began a soapy free-for-all that soon gyrated into the bedroom while their other roomies (and every single viewer) stared on, agog. Seriously, at what point does MTV shut this house down? An age-old debate of journalism professors ponders whether news cameramen should ever put down their cameras and help their subjects. I would be curious to hear their thoughts on this one: Was there no producer who wanted to step in and say, “Look, guys, I know you reeeeeally want to be on TV, but for the love of God, even Horshack can be less ashamed of his ‘Celebrity Boxing’ appearance than you?ll be of this.”

Trishelle did show some remorse later, if you can call saying to Brynn, “I don?t know why, but I felt uncomfortable with that” remorse. Maybe the discomfort was because she was lying on Arissa?s handcuffs. She blamed her repeated gropefests on the alcohol, and this is where the first of three cautionary tales kicked in.

I?m guessing that MTV rationalized airing this episode?s flesh parade by saying it was necessary to subsequently show the dark side of such prurience. Look, Trishelle only messed around with two clowns because she was drunk, and then she regretted it! So that?s lesson one: If you get all boozed up, you too might end up making out with a 24-year-old divorcee who works in a gay bar! And there?s no hangover quite like that one.

Then came lesson two, which was really a directive for the parents watching. Trishelle?s father showed her no love, so in a move right out of Psych 101, Trishelle not only made a slut of herself on national TV, but then didn?t even wait until it aired to let him know. So parents, tell your kids you love them, lest they instead love everyone in Las Vegas, two at a time. (But wait a moment…Brynn said that her father was always totally encouraging of her, but she was right there in the bed with Trishelle. Okay parents, I guess the amended lesson is this: KEEP YOUR DAUGHTERS AWAY FROM “REAL WORLD” APPLICATION FORMS.)

Then there was the third and most obvious lesson: Trishelle?s romps were juxtaposed with Alton freaking out that he may have impregnated his ex-girlfriend, which illustrated that with sex comes great responsibility, and possibly a toddler if you?re not careful. I think this lesson hit me the hardest. After all, what if — heaven forbid — Steven and Trishelle reproduced together? What kind of exhibitionist superbeing could be spawned from that unholy alliance? Here?s my prayer: that the Palms Hotel cranks up the neon in their sign so high that it sterilizes the whole 28th floor and all the roomies inside. If not, we may see Trishelle Jr. on “Real World 33,” and I shudder to think what she?d have to do to embarrass HER mother.

The Real World
type
  • TV Show
seasons
  • 33
rating
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network
  • MTV
  • Facebook Watch
  • Paramount+

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