1 MATTHEW PERRY’S STRUGGLE The actor says he hasn’t had a drink in more than a year. He drank to forget that he was young, handsome, and rich.
2 REAL BEVERLY HILLBILLIES CBS plans to install an actual trailer-trash family in an L.A. mansion and film the fun. Anna Nicole Smith is suing for plagiarism.
3 AMERICAN IDOL TOUR The top 10 finalists will tour 27 cities this fall. And after each song, Simon will come out and insult them.
4 SWIMFAN A female stalker turns a swimmer’s charmed life into a crud-filled cesspool. A swimming fan? Yeah, that’s not suspicious.
5 ALAN JACKSON He’s been nominated for 10 Country Music Awards. He wins, he gets a prize; he loses, he feels bad enough to write a hit country song.
6 JIMI HENDRIX A guitar he burned on stage could get more than $600,000 at auction. To raise money, Martha Stewart’s planning to burn a tray of muffins.
7 WINDEX It’s the cure for everything in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Eddie Murphy is now spraying it on prints of Pluto Nash.
8 LIZA MINNELLI The showstopper is adopting a 3-year-old girl this January. The hard part was finding one who could already sing and dance.
9 SNIPES A movie about the guys who make their living pasting up illegal record posters. Once upon a time they were called WorldCom employees.
10 KIRSTIE ALLEY The Pier One spokesperson may get her own talk show. The question is, Will she let anyone else?
11 RAW FOOD The latest fad in cooking is not to cook at all. I’d like a tuna salad on rye bread dough, please.
12 EARTH TO LANCE The ‘N Sync star’s trip into space has been scratched. The people who live under his planned flight path are so relieved.
13 $3.15 BILLION What Hollywood made from ticket sales this summer. Unfortunately, $5.4 billion is what the movies cost to make.
14 BJORK Burglars took a bunch of recording equipment from her London home. Where can I send them a thank-you note?
15 CITY BY THE SEA Robert De Niro plays a tortured cop whose estranged son is the main suspect in a murder case. If you loved Meet the Parents…
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