Superheroine Lynda Carter answers stupid questions. Wonder Woman looks back on bustiers, Mr. Miyagi, and the repetitive joy of Dukakis
Does the Governor in the raunchy police parody ”Super Troopers” (out this week on video and DVD) look familiar? Well, she should. She saved the world (not to mention teenage boyhood fantasies) for four years as Wonder Woman. But when Lynda Carter isn’t ”in her satin tights, fighting for our rights,” she’s busy taking on her other archenemy — stupid questions.
How come when you spin around real fast you turn into a hot superhero babe, but when I do it I just feel queasy?
You don’t have the technique down right. Listen, I invented this thing and I am the only one who can do it.
If one were able to actually see your invisible plane, what would it look like?
I don’t know, I’ve never seen it, but it conforms to your body, so if I’m thin or fat, it just molds right in.
Prior to your big scene in ”Super Troopers,” a man is shown simulating sex with a grizzly bear. Why does bestiality remain such a hard act to follow?
I don’t know how to answer that. Well, I didn’t read that scene before I agreed to do the movie. The five guys behind this film are demented and tortured souls.
At one point in the movie, a character is forced to swallow a couple of bags of hallucinogenic mushrooms and marijuana. How similar a feeling would you guess that is compared to your experience on Circus of the Stars?
Well, I got to meet Princess Grace… oh, no, that wasn’t then. That was something else.
But Pat Morita was there, right?
Yeah! And I actually learned how to do dressage. That really is a stupid question. I don’t know how you made that connection.
Moving on, do red-and-gold bustiers ever really go out of style?
Absolutely not. Wonder Woman was wearing the clunky bracelets and bustiers a lo-o-ong time ago. She was a trendsetter. She just didn’t know it.
You sang the national anthem at the 1988 Democratic National Convention. Keeping that in mind, the word Dukakis always gets a big laugh. Could you just say that a couple of times for me?
Dukakis, Dukakis, Dukakis, Dukakis.
One more time, please.
Perfect, thanks. Now, I hear you own a Beretta shotgun. So, what, too good for the golden lasso now, are we?
It’s retired. It really is. It’s sitting in a cabinet in my living room.
But the golden lasso makes you tell the truth, right? So if you were wearing it now, what would you have to say about this interview?
[Long, awkward pause] You sound like a really, really cute guy.
Whoa, this thing really works! Sorry, Lynda, but voices can be deceiving.
Well, let me ask you, if you were wearing the golden lasso, how would you rate this interview on a scale of 1 to 10?
Are you kidding? I just got hit on by Wonder Woman. This one goes to 11, baby!