An EW Reporter Documents His Trivial Pursuit of Glory on 'Beat the Geeks'

Beat the Geeks

Dorks rejoice! Comedy Central’s game show Beat the Geeks, where regular Joes square off against professional pop-culture savants, returns July 8. EW sent this camera-shy reporter to Los Angeles to go undercover as a contestant (my episode airs Sept. 16). Did I rise to the challenge? You be the judge.

— ROUND ONE Extreme close-up of yours truly and the big zit on my nose. My two opponents, script reader Erin and script consultant Gabrielle, tremble. New host Blaine Capatch, best described as a Muppet version of Ric Ocasek, asks, ”’I’m Outstanding’ is the title of a rap single by what L.A. Laker?” Nervous as hell, I say something that sounds like ”Chuckie O’Knee.” They count it as ”Shaquille O’Neal” anyhow. I wheeze in relief.

— ROUND TWO Erin is off to a blistering lead after trouncing Movie Geek Marc Edward Heuck. I confidently challenge Paul Goebel, the plus-size TV Geek, and we end up in a tiebreaking Geek-Off. I must list as many Will & Grace characters as I can in 15 seconds. Freezing like Cindy Brady on a quiz show, I manage to name only the two title characters. Goebel blanks on Queer as Folk actors, and I win his medal. Whew! Score: 45-30.

— ROUND THREE I challenge Friends Geek Karla De Trinidad, who subsequently sasses me: ”In the words of Chandler, could you be any more stupid?” In another Geek-Off, my category is famous chefs, and honest to God, the first name I think of is Paul Prudhomme. Still, Karla out-geeks me, rattling off four dishes that Monica prepared on Friends. Then, after Erin whups longhaired Music Geek Andy Zax, the score is 85-30. As Julia Child might say, my goose is cooked. In the Geekqualizer round, we must ID titles as music, movies, or TV. When Capatch says Joe Dirt, I think he said ”Joe Durst,” who must be Fred Durst’s brother, right? I offer up ”music,” and then begin emotionally preparing for this flub to air on national television. I exit stage right to polite applause and much-deserved mockery from Capatch.

— ROUND FOUR Erin decimates the Movie Geek. My lame parting gift is a free month of rentals from Netflix. Maybe I’ll use them to subject myself repeatedly to a certain David Spade movie as penance.

Beat the Geeks
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