What the country is talking about this week...

1 MADONNA One day they say she’s pregnant, the next day they say she’s not. Is it really news unless she’s having octuplets?

2 BAD COMPANY Sir Anthony Hopkins costars with Chris Rock in a spy comedy. You get knighted and suddenly you’re offered only the best scripts.

3 BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN He’s releasing his first studio album with the E Street Band since 1984. It’s called Stop Rushing Me.

4 WINONA RYDER She got out of a court appearance because she hurt her elbow? Regular folks get the hanging judge, she gets the hangnail judge.

5 THE MCCARTNEY WEDDING Except for the time, the place, the guest list, and the date, it’s all very hush-hush.

6 FATHER’S DAY What’s the perfect gift for dad? Lingerie.

7 STEVEN SPIELBERG He went back to college and earned a degree from Cal State Long Beach. If he can’t get into Yale, what chance have you got?

8 KATHERINE HARRIS The Florida secretary of state is writing a book about the 2000 election. I preordered it and they sent me a Pat Buchanan book by mistake.

9 MELISSA RIVERS Her husband has filed for divorce. He couldn’t stand the way she dressed.

10 DIANA ROSS The Supreme has checked herself into a rehab center. That’s the first step. The twelfth step is announcing a big world tour.

11 STANLEY CUP FINALS I don’t care who wins. Something’s very wrong when they’re playing hockey in June.

12 DIVINE SECRETS OF THE YA-YA SISTERHOOD An all-star, almost all-female cast in the ultimate chick flick. It makes Beaches look macho.

13 Liza Minnelli Her latest comeback revue is a critical and PR triumph. She should marry a rich producer more often.

14 MISS UNIVERSE A Russian policewoman who can shoot the eye out of a rat from 200 yards won the title. For the talent competition she told the judges she knew where they lived.

15 BOBBY KNIGHT The explosive coach will appear in a film with Jack Nicholson called Anger Management. He’s studying for the part by throwing director’s chairs.