Tempted by Fett
Dalton Ross shares his sad obsession with Star Wars' mysterious masked mercenary
For a dude who had a whopping four lines in three movies (not including his pathetic death squeal in Return of the Jedi), Star Wars’ ruthless bounty hunter Boba Fett has turned into something of a cult figure. Perhaps it’s because he spoke softly and carried a big jet pack. Or that he didn’t need a stupid lightsaber to kick butt. Maybe it’s just the fact that homeboy flew around in a steam iron called Slave 1. Whatever the reason, this intergalactic man of mystery always stood out as the coolest figure in the original trilogy. (For the uncoolest figure, pick an Ewok, any Ewok.)
Of course, Fett freaks like me were never really able to truly unite and conquer until the development of the Internet brought us together like rubber-faced aliens to a cantina. That’s when Mr. Fett made his transformation from geek hero to mainstream badass. Evidently, George Lucas was listening, making Boba’s father, Jango, a central figure in Attack of the Clones. With the Fett family now in full effect, it seems like a good time to check out how our main man is faring online….
Casual Fett fans should begin their quest at the appropriately (and unimaginatively) titled Boba Fett Fan Club (poland.bobafett fanclub.com), which offers solid (okay, scary) amounts of information on the original man behind the mask, actor Jeremy Bulloch. Visitors are treated to a brief interview, tour diaries, and pictures of the actor chilling in his house. There’s a perverse joy in seeing the guy who caught Han Solo hanging out on his couch and surfing the Web.
Of course, maybe you’re not a casual Boba Fett at all. Maybe you’re one of those people who like to scare your neighbors by walking around outfitted in space-faring gear while mumbling vague rants about your pet Fluffy ”not surviving the freezing process.” In that case, we have your new homepage. Build Your Own Boba Fett (geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/7853/) offers complete instructions on how to create the ultimate bounty-hunter costume. This site will start you from scratch, with tips for every stitch and well-placed ding. For instance, did you know that ”a good part of the codpiece is actually covered by the rope-belt”? No, I didn’t think so.
On the flip side, there are less serious sites as well, including The Campaign for a Female Boba Fett (hostmaker.com/femalefett) which makes the argument for a female Fett: ”…women can serve a cinematic purpose other than romance and reproduction.” Right on, sister. And we should mention Boba Fett Hates Star Wars Christmas Specials… (x-entertainment.com/messages/236.html), whose focus is really the 1978 holiday TV show (more fete than Fett, as it were). But since the televised special was his first appearance in the Star Wars universe, and because the program itself is so hilariously inept, we recommend you take a gander. So yes, Boba Fett is alive and well on the Web, but how could he not be? After all, to paraphrase the fearless Fett, he’s no good to us dead.