What the country is talking about this week...

1 DAVID LETTERMAN He’s decided to let Ted Koppel keep his job for now. But Nightline has to broadcast one show a month from the Hello Deli.

2 ACADEMY AWARDS SHOW Slow paced? If these people ran McDonald’s the sign would now say ”Over 200 Sold.”

3 FRANKIE MUNIZ Malcolm in the Middle’s star may earn $2 million for a movie. A couple more and college is paid for.

4 ANDY RICHTER CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE Conan’s old sidekick fantasizes he’s in a different place each week. Knowing Fox, he may be.

5 BILLY BOB & ANGELINA They’ve adopted a baby. The doting dad can’t wait to take the kid to Vials of Blood ‘R’ Us.

6 SALLY JESSY RAPHAEL Tomorrow, talk-show hosts who’ve gotten the ax after 19 years and the Wiccans who love them.

7 ICE AGE An animated film with clever prehistoric talking animals. Seems the smarter you are, the better your chances of becoming extinct.

8 SURVIVOR: MARQUESAS Viewers found out last week the best way to cure the painful sting from a sea urchin. Whatever you do, don’t get stung on the face.

9 BOTOX The FDA may approve the potentially deadly toxin to treat wrinkles. Next they’ll okay Ebola pills for weight loss.

10 OSCAR CRUNCH This year’s venue is 1,800 seats smaller than last year’s. You know you’re a big star if they don’t make someone sit in your lap.

11 SHOWTIME A camera crew following cops Eddie Murphy and Robert De Niro for a reality show doesn’t think they look real enough. They wanted De Niro to gain 40 pounds.

12 THE BARBARA WALTERS SPECIAL Or as the pre-Oscar show is known in Hollywood, Tear Factor.

13 OPRAH She’s decided to keep doing her show until 2006. Or until she weighs that much, whichever comes first.

14 STAR WARS TRAILERS They’ve gotten so much hype and publicity, no one seems to remember they’re just ads. It’s like getting excited over the ”trailer” for Campbell’s soup.

15 WINONA’S SECURITY TAPE It reportedly doesn’t show her shoplifting. But it is up for several awards at Cannes.