Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet
1 O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU? Music execs can’t figure out how it won five Grammys and sold 4 million albums with hardly any radio play. Oh, yeah, the music didn’t suck.
2 ICE SKATERS Sarah Hughes is on a Wheaties box and Michelle Kwan is a spokeswoman for Disney. The Canadian pair is now complaining to Wheaties and Disney.
3 MEL GIBSON Rumor has it he may give up acting. That’s never stopped him, however, from appearing in movies.
4 MARCH MADNESS What college kids feel when their tuition goes up to support a free farm team for the NBA.
5 CELEBRITY BOXING Fox presents Danny Bonaduce vs. Barry Williams. Guess they couldn’t find any celebrities.
6 BOB DYLAN People are wondering which song he was singing on the Grammys. And which other song his band was playing.
7 JEREMIAH Luke Perry’s new series set in a cutthroat, lawless future. Filmed on location at Enron.
8 ROSEANNE She’s dumping her third husband, citing irreconcilable differences. Like she’s a big star and he isn’t.
9 TED KOPPEL He doesn’t know what’s going on down the hall but we should believe he knows what’s going on in Kabul?
10 ALL ABOUT THE BENJAMINS Ice Cube accidentally finds himself in the middle of a diamond heist. Based on the parole application of inmate No. 6934721.
11 RESIDENT EVIL A film about a virus that turns people into the undead. My kids bring it home from school all the time.
12 THE AMERICAN EMBASSY A series about an Ohio woman who goes to London to take an important job and meet guys. Oh, look, it’s Bridget McBeal’s Diary.
13 THE TIME MACHINE A man travels 800,000 years in the future. Where he offers a new peace plan for the Middle East.
14 PLAGIARISM Several historians have been accused of lifting words from other works without credit. In the previous sentence, from and have been came from Jay Leno.
15 TIFFANY The ’80s pop blip is now nude in Playboy. What’s next, changing her name to Zales?