What the country is talking about this week...

1 BURNING HARRY POTTER BOOKS They contain no swearing, no sex, no drugs, and good wins over evil. Do you really want your kids reading that kind of crap?

2 THE BEATLES They had 2001’s No. 1 album. Sure, they didn’t have to compete with Freddie & the Dreamers this time.

3 INTERNET SHOPPING People spent substantially more money online for the holidays in 2001. What else were they going to do with it? Buy dotcom stock?

4 SIR BEN KINGSLEY The Queen knighted the Sexy Beast star. If it makes his fee go up, she wants a 10 percent kickback.

5 SURVIVOR: AFRICA Psst! Want to know who won the big money before this last episode airs? The producers and CBS.

6 MARIAH CAREY Virgin reportedly wants out of its $80 million contract with her. Lawyers will see if the ”lemon law” applies to celebrities.

7 IMPOSTOR Gary Sinise must convince people he’s not a human time bomb in this sci-fi thriller. His first step should be to stop saying ”Tick, tick, tick…”

8 THE OLYMPIC TORCH People want to carry it because it says something about them. It says they know someone at NBC.

9 PEOPLE’S CHOICE AWARDS I don’t remember being asked to vote, do you? Who runs this thing—Katherine Harris?

10 MR. BLACKWELL The fashion critic will unleash his 42nd Annual Worst Dressed Women List. The big question each year is, how does he limit it to 10?

11 SUNDANCE The film festival takes place in a rough and tough old Utah mining town. You’ve got to be careful when you say, ”You call this a merlot?”

12 ELVIS’ BIRTHDAY Some say he’s still alive. If fried peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches didn’t kill him, nothing would.

13 HANK AZARIA He’ll be playing a variety of characters in his new sitcom Imagine That. Can he do Tracey Ullman?

14 ARGENTINA It’s had five different presidents in two weeks. You don’t run for office there, you run from it.

15 FIRST MONDAY A new West Wing-type drama about the Supreme Court. Originally called Everybody Loves Antonin.