What the country is talking about this week...

1 A BEAUTIFUL MIND Russell Crowe plays a brilliant Princeton mathematician who is also a schizophrenic. He hears voices, but they are very smart.

2 KATE & LEOPOLD Modern Meg Ryan falls in love with a guy who lives in the year 1876. Trent Lott.

3 NBC It’s become the first major network to run ads for hard liquor in 50 years. Big deal. Half the programs on TV will drive you to drink.

4 BOWL GAMES Four-hour-long recruitment ads for party schools. That’s what you say if your team didn’t make it.

5 NEW YEAR’S EVE Now we fear the Y2K2 bug. It’s when the company computer thinks it’s still 2001 and lays you off.

6 TOM GREEN AND DREW BARRYMORE Who could have seen this coming? Oh yeah, everybody.

7 CHRISTMAS Let’s not forget the true meaning of the holiday: boosting the grosses of overhyped movies at the mall.

8 LAST-MINUTE SHOPPING When you care enough to say ”This is all they had left.”

9 WINONA RYDER She was arrested for shoplifting in Beverly Hills, but it can’t be true. Everyone knows real stars never do their own shoplifting.

10 THE SHIPPING NEWS Emotionally shattered Kevin Spacey rebuilds his life in cold, remote Newfoundland. He couldn’t rebuild in Florida?

11 THE MAJESTIC Screenwriter Jim Carrey gets amnesia. He forgot that no one wants to see him in movies like this.

12 THE EURO As of Jan. 1, Europeans will use the same currency in 12 countries. It will take the guesswork out of overcharging Americans.

13 RAMONES The punk band will enter the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They only knew three chords, but they never showed off and used them all.

14 KATIE COURIC She’s expected to sign a new contract worth about $13 million a year. But she does have to work that crappy 7-to-10 shift.

15 DAME EDNA EVERAGE The Australian harpy will be a recurring character on Ally McBeal. As a femme futile.