Based on the kind of person you are, Jessica Shaw tells you which flicks you should see
Kevin Spacey, The Shipping News
Credit: The Shipping News: Doane Gregory

Here are the new movies you need to see

Didn’t it seem like there wasn’t a halfway decent movie to see for about four months there? Now, all of a sudden, there are about 10 films you are dying to see that all opened within days of each other. Since the studios are clearly not sensitive to our release requirements, offers you a handy guide to which flick you should pick first.

If you asked for foul weather gear for Christmas, are ready to sign your family up for therapy, and thought ”Pay it Forward” wasn’t sappy enough, go see ”The Shipping News.”

If you asked for an IQ test for Christmas, think your family is completely brilliant, and memorized lines from ”Bottle Rocket,” go see ”The Royal Tenenbaums”.

If you asked for the Aldous Huxley collected books for Christmas, think your new girlfriend is too good to be true, and didn’t think ”Eyes Wide Shut” was as appalling as the rest of us, go see ”Vanilla Sky.”

If you asked for an autographed picture of Stephen Hawking for Christmas, still have a crush on your third grade math teacher, and wish ”PI” had been in color, go see ”A Beautiful Mind.”

If you asked for the ”Home Improvement” boxed set, aren’t terrified of the term ”family film,” and will be one of the few anticipating ”The Santa Clause 2,” go see ”Joe Somebody.”

If you asked for Hobbit feet for Christmas, still want your siblings to play ”Dungeons and Dragons” under the table with you, and loved each and every ”Star Wars,” go see ”Lord of the Rings.”

If you asked for a ”gift from the heart” for Christmas, read paperback romances with Fabio on the cover, and even loved Meg Ryan in ”Joe vs. the Volcano,” go see ”Kate and Leopold.”

If you asked for an embroidered handkerchief for Christmas, wish your family were a tad more like the Cleavers, and thought ”Dumb & Dumber” answered underlying issues of existential angst, go see ”The Majestic.”

If you asked for a copy of ”Malcolm X” for Christmas, always end up boxing with your brother under the tree, and think ”Men in Black” had something in common with ”When We Were Kings,” go see ”Ali.”

If you asked for a hooka for Christmas, keep a steady supply on munchies around at all times, and don’t remember a word you just read, go see ”How High.”

Joe Somebody
  • Movie
  • 98 minutes