”Oh my God — I’m a lesbian!” Marie (DORIS ROBERTS), after realizing her sculpture looked like female genitalia, on Everybody Loves Raymond

”CNN is going to send six questions to Osama bin Laden. They published the list of questions today, and the first question is ‘Where is the strangest place you and your five wives have ever made whoopee?’ ” DAVID LETTERMAN on Late Show

”Singer Bob Dylan was stopped at his own show by security guards who failed to recognize the singer. Asked to comment, Dylan replied, ‘I can hardly blame them. Look at me.’ ” CRAIG KILBORN on The Late Late Show

”Scientists announced a new device that can be placed in a pacemaker and will call your doctor whenever you are having heart trouble. When told about it, Dick Cheney said, ‘I can’t afford those kind of phone bills.’ ” CONAN O’BRIEN on Late Night

Everybody Loves Raymond
  • TV Show