A day-to-day guide to notable programs. Times are Eastern daylight and are subject to change.
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MONDAY OCTOBER 22

MO’ MONEY SYNDICATED* WHEEL OF FORTUNE (TV-G) People spin a big wheel for the chance to earn even more cash as the daily gamer introduces its new $100,000 bonus round. *CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS

8-8:30PM THE KING OF QUEENS (CBS, TV-PG-L) It’s a case of fish out of water (or rather really fat guy out of water) when Doug agrees to attend Carrie’s office retreat.

8-8:30PM BLUE’S CLUES (Nickelodeon, TV-Y) The five-part ”Blue’s Big News” story line continues with the birth of a baby, delivered by none other than Lisa Kudrow. Well, her voice at least.

9-10PM THIRD WATCH (NBC, TV-14) In ”September Tenth,” we see what the characters were doing on the eve of disaster.

10-11PM CELEBRITY ADVENTURES (E!, TV-PG-L) Sorry, folks, American Pie’s Shannon Elizabeth keeps her clothes on while rappelling in Greece.

SERIES DEBUT 5-5:30pm UNSCRIPTED (ESPN) Ex-MTV News correspondent Chris Connelly (right) proves it’s possible to be a music, movie, and sports geek with his new chatfest, featuring online queries and a ”live and eating” audience at Anaheim’s ESPN Zone. Though premiere week will include sports-type guests like Monday Night Football’s Dennis Miller, who knows, maybe Connelly’s old pal Courtney Love will pay a visit. ”If she wants to come on down,” he says, ”I’ve got a plate of hot wings for her.” — Mike Flaherty

TUESDAY OCTOBER 23

8-9PM BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (UPN, TV-14) A trio of bad guys try to find the Slayer’s weakness without dying in the process.

8-8:30PM EMERIL (NBC, TV-PG) The other day someone told me this was still on the air. I called him a big fat liar, but what do you know?…he was right! I guess now I owe him a Coke.

8-9PM GILMORE GIRLS (The WB, TV-PG) Road trip! Except Rory and Lorelai’s final destination — Harvard — doesn’t exactly scream par-tay.

9-10PM SMALLVILLE (The WB, TV-PG-LV) Lex Luthor, meet kryptonite. Kryptonite, meet Lex Luthor. Meanwhile, Clark fights some guy who thinks he’s a bug.

KEYS ON KEYS 9-11PM VH1/VOGUE FASHION AWARDS (VH1) Being among the severely fashion-challenged, we’re not exactly sure what categories like Rebel Designer of the Year are all about, but Alicia Keys (left) is performing, and that’s good enough for us.

WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 24

8-9PM ENTERPRISE (UPN, TV-PG) The crew explores a human colony that’s not quite so human anymore.

8-8:30PM MY WIFE AND KIDS (ABC, TV-PG-DL) The silky smooth Lou Rawls guests as a singing doctor, but it’s not nearly as funny as his stint on Baywatch Nights.

8-9PM DAWSON’S CREEK (The WB, TV-14-DLS) Dawson proves he’s a slacker by dropping out of film school to be with a chick.

8-9PM ED (NBC, TV-PG) Ed represents a store owner sued for sexual harassment, and we’re neither judge nor jury, but the dude does sound pretty damn guilty.

8-9:30PM AUSTIN POWERS: THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME (Encore, TV-PG-13) It has its moments, but Heather Graham should really stay away from comedy.

8:35-10:30PM KIKI’S DELIVERY SERVICE (Disney Channel, TV-G) Sounds kind of like porno to us, but on the Disney Channel?

9-10PM FELICITY (The WB, TV-PG-L) Speaking as a New Yorker, it’s nice to finally see someone on TV in the Big Apple worrying about stuff like money for a change. Tonight, Felicity realizes she can’t pay the bills — in this case, tuition.

9-10PM THE WEST WING (NBC, TV-PG) Donna goes out on a blind date…with a Republican. Meanwhile, not unlike Billy Joel, he didn’t start the fire, but President Bartlet is the one who must decide what to do about a Wyoming blaze.

YOU STEP ON MY FEET, YOU DIE 8-9PM IMELDA MARCOS: STEEL BUTTERFLY (A&E, TV-G) Imelda Marcos may have tried to fashion her legacy as a beneficial Filipino stateswoman, but her sole footing on the world thus far has been that infamous collection of mukluks. A&E’s Biography on the former first lady (above with U.S. prez Lyndon Johnson) doesn’t reveal much more than what you already know: Raised in the country provinces, this former beauty queen chose to anchor her life to a powerful husband rather than focus on her own laurels. Sticking by Ferdinand through his presidency, scandals, exile, and eventual return to the Philippines, she is either loathed or loved by her people, but always well-heeled. B- — Allyssa Lee

THURSDAY OCT. 25

HOW DO WE GET OFF OF THIS THING? 8-9:30PM AEROS: THE ILLUSION OF FLIGHT (Bravo, TV-PG) Kurt Thomas mixed the awesome power of gymnastics and karate to survive the ”village of the crazies” in Gymkata, but members of the Romanian Gymnastic Federation have a better idea. These limber lads and lasses use their talents in the name of performance art, cooking up percussion-based dance routines that end up coming off like a Mary Lou Retton inspired version of STOMP. The athleticism and choreography are certainly impressive, but anything involving a pommel horse kind of freaks us out. B-

8-8:30PM FRIENDS (NBC, TV-14) Just because she’s having Ross’ child doesn’t mean Rachel can’t go on dates with hunky soap stars.

8-9PM SURVIVOR: AFRICA (CBS) Are you hooked yet? You know we are. Then again, we were hooked on Love Cruise.

8-8:30PM POPSTARS 2 (The WB, TV-PG) More untalented schmos are purged from the picture as the audition process continues.

9-9:30PM WILL & GRACE (NBC, TV-14) Jack sets Will up on a date…with a woman. Well, not just any woman — Parker Posey.

9-10PM CHARMED (The WB, TV-PG-LV) We don’t know which guest star is creepier: A Nightmare on Elm Street’s Robert Englund or gothy guitar god Dave Navarro. We’re leaning towards the latter.

FRIDAY OCTOBER 26

8:30-9PM AS TOLD BY GINGER (Nickelodeon, TV-Y) It’s a case of trick over treat when Ginger and friends hatch a spooky scheme against a classmate.

9-11PM WOMEN ROCK! GIRLS & GUITARS (Lifetime) The West Wing’s Allison Janney hosts this benefit to fight breast cancer, while Pat Benatar, Nelly Furtado, and Mary J. Blige perform, although we’re pretty sure none of them actually play the guitar.

9-10:15PM ON HOSTILE GROUND (Sundance Channel, TV-14) Three abortion providers — including one who travels from Baltimore to Alabama every week wearing a bulletproof vest — are profiled in this docu.

9-11PM 2001 RADIO MUSIC AWARDS (ABC, TV-14-DL) This celebration of radio can only be found in one place — on television! Mariah Carey is scheduled to be there, assuming she doesn’t bow out due to ”exhaustion.”

SEASON PREMIERE 9-9:40PM COUPLING (BBC America, TV-14) It’s season 2 of the British comedy about six folks who are ”involved, formerly involved, or looking to become intimately involved with each other.” In other words, it’s Friends with funny accents.

9-11PM A NIGHT IN DRACULA’S CASTLE: THE TRANSYLVANIA DARE (Fox Family, TV-PG) A real-life family crashes in Vlad Dracul’s abode. We assume cash is at stake.

11-11:40PM SO GRAHAM NORTON (BBC America, TV-MA) Leave it to talk-show guest Jacqueline Stallone to read people’s futures by studying their butts.

NO BED OF ROSES 9-10PM PASADENA (Fox, TV-14) C’mon, America, get on the same wavelength as Mike White (Chuck & Buck), the creator of this shrewd, lewd nighttime soap. Ostensibly about a California newspaper dynasty, Pasadena is really a chance for terrific actors like Dana Delany (above left with Alison Lohman), Martin Donovan, and Philip Baker Hall to backstab, fornicate promiscuously, and delve into the twisty mysteries of family life. This episode’s best moment: Passed over for a promotion, someone smashes a computer. Best exchange: Mother: ”Don’t be passive-aggressive.” Daughter: ”I could be aggressive-aggressive and kick you in the face.” Tune in to see who does what; this show gets better — that is, more surprising and strange — with each installment. B+ — Ken Tucker

SATURDAY OCTOBER 27

I TOLD YOU I LOOK FUNNY WITH MY ARMS CROSSED 8-10PM HOW TO KILL YOUR NEIGHBOR’S DOG (Starz!, TV-R) It stars Kenneth Branagh and Robin Wright Penn. It was exec-produced by Robert Redford. And it closed last year’s Toronto Film Festival. Yet inexplicably, the razor-witted story of a misanthropic playwright (Branagh) battling impotence, writer’s block, and the yappy pooch next door still went straight to STARZ! In addition to the perennially underrated Wright Penn (as Branagh’s eager-to-reproduce wife), Michael Kalesniko’s directorial debut also benefits from a deft turn by Lynn Redgrave (as Branagh’s senile, one-legged mom-in-law). Although it eventually turns maudlin — does the precocious local girl who melts Branagh’s heart need to have braces and a limp? — Dog is still a breed apart from most of the mutts currently populating your local multiplex. B+ — Bruce Fretts

SYNDICATED* NBA INSIDE STUFF Ahmad and Summer welcome a starting five as famous as any in the league, when ‘N Sync stop by to cohost. Give it up for Air Joey, people! *CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS

6-8PM THE LOST BOYS (FX, TV-PG-V) The first and finest teaming of Haim and Feldman.

6:30-9PM ROAD HOUSE (TNT, TV-14-LV) Pretty crappy movie about a bar bouncer, but Patrick Swayze plays a guy named Dalton, so I always watch anyway.

7-9PM FEAR (USA) Mark Wahlberg pounds his own chest to prove he’s a tough guy. For the most part, it works.

7:30-10:30PM 2001 WORLD SERIES GAME 1 (Fox) Here’s hoping this year no pitchers start hurling bats at players. Come to think of it, that did kinda liven things up.

7:30-10PM FIGHT CLUB (Cinemax TV-R) Makes a fantastic date film. Trust us!

8-11PM WEST SIDE STORY (Turner Classic Movies, TV-G) Rita Moreno and George Chakiris join cast and crew in celebrating the film’s 40th anniversary.

8-10PM NATIONAL LAMPOON’S ANIMAL HOUSE (Encore, TV-R) John Belushi impersonates a zit.

11PM-12:30AM THE LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN MOVIE (BBC America, TV-14) They made a movie version of the hilarious British comedy The League of Gentlemen, and then gave it a snappy title.

SUNDAY OCTOBER 28

5:30-8PM BACK TO THE FUTURE (TBS, TV-PG) If Michael J. Fox is supposed to be playing a cool kid with attitude, why does he listen to so much Huey Lewis?

6-7:45PM DROP ZONE (Cinemax, TV-R) It’s the Wesley Snipes skydiving movie simply everyone’s been waiting for!

7-9PM TOY STORY (ABC, TV-G) I can’t wait till my 15-month-old son, Dale, gets older so I can show him this.

8-10PM L.A. LAW: THE E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY (E!, TV-PG-LS) ETHS lays down the law with its profile on the 1980s legal drama.

8-10:30PM DEATH OF A SALESMAN (Trio, TV-PG) The 1966 broadcast production version stars Lee J. Cobb, George Segal, and Gene Wilder, which is to say, it’s not too slouchy.

8-9PM HAUNTED HOTELS (Travel Channel, TV-PG) Just stay off the 13th floor and you’ll be fine.

8-9:30PM THE MUMMY (American Movie Classics, TV-G) It lacks the nifty special effects of the 1999 remake, but this 1932 doozy makes up for it with Boris Karloff.

8PM-MIDNIGHT SCARES & DARES WITH ELVIRA (Game Show Network) The mistress of the dark hosts eight straight episodes of Who Dares Wins, the Aussie game show where friends challenge each other to perform daunting tasks — sort of like the time some buddies dared me to sit through an entire Nelson concert.

8-10PM THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (FX, TV-14) This low-budget horror flick was a national sensation when it came out in 1999. Of course, so was Verne Troyer.

8:30-9:30PM BEHIND THE MUSIC: OZZY OSBOURNE (VH1, TV-14) I was talking to Ozzy’s bassist, Rudy Sarzo, once (don’t ask), and he told me Ozzy thought it was a fake bat when he infamously bit the head off. We’re pretty sure the Black Sabbath frontman has a juicier tale to tell.

9-10PM BAND OF BROTHERS (HBO, TV-MA) Some people deal with the horrors of war by writing gooey love letters back home. Others, they just get drunk to high hell.

9-10PM* AFRICA (PBS, TV-G) Nature’s eight-part series on the continent never explores why it’s so hard to hold on to in a game of Risk, but it does finish with a peek inside the depressed state of African mines. *CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS

9-10PM ALIAS (ABC) Sydney discovers her father may in fact be a triple agent. Plus, is that hacker supreme Kevin Mitnick?

9-10PM* AMERICAN MASTERS: VAUDEVILLE (PBS, TV-G) This docu traces American stage-show entertainment from the turn of the century all the way to The Muppet Show, and you know what that means — Pigs in Space! (R) *CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS

9-11:30PM EIGHT MEN OUT (Bravo, TV-PG) John Cusack, Charlie Sheen, and D.B. Sweeney play a bunch of cheaters.

10-11PM WORLD’S CREEPIEST DESTINATIONS (Travel Channel, TV-PG) Does the all you can eat buffet at Sizzler count?

10-10:30PM THE MAN SHOW (Comedy Central, TV-MA) Women kiss each other for cash. I know, it’s sad.

WIMPY ALERT 1-1:30AM I’M POPEYE (Cartoon Network, TV-G)…and to prove it, Cartoon Network is airing restored versions of my original theatrical shorts dating back as far as 1933. Spinach not included.

DRESSED FOR SUCCESS 9-11PM THE WEDDING DRESS (CBS, TV-PG) Doogie Howser’s getting hitched! At least Neil Patrick Harris is, as photographer Travis Cleveland in this CBS telepic. He thinks he’s met the perfect woman — we, of course, know she’s bad news because the dog barks at her — but then the bride-to-be refuses to wear his family’s heirloom of a wedding dress on the big day. Next thing you know, the marriage is off, the gown is stolen, and our remote control is dripping in Velveeta. While the dress passes hands more often than an Olympic torch, Cleveland tries to patch things up with the other woman he should’ve married all along (Kathryne Dora Brown, above with Harris). We won’t say how it ends, but the photo is a pretty good tip-off. C

SCARY STUFF 8-9:10PM GAHAN WILSON’S THE KID (Showtime, TV-MA) Not to be confused with Disney’s The Kid, this execrable animated adaptation of the Playboy and New Yorker cartoonist’s comic strip Nuts conjures such horrors of childhood as getting hassled by schoolyard bullies and dissecting dead cats in science class. But who’s the target audience here? Too puerile for adults, too profane for children, The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Taxi vet Stan Daniels’ stunningly misguided script winds up playing like a potty-mouthed Peanuts. Worst of all, The Kid wastes a talented aural ensemble, including William Shatner, SCTV alums Eugene Levy and Andrea Martin, and Ed Asner, who provides the voice of a feline that spews F-words like a latter-day Fritz the Cat. Speaking of which, here’s another one:

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