The funniest TV lines from the week of Sept. 21, 2001

“Anne Heche married her boyfriend this weekend. There was one awkward moment. When the minister asked, ‘Do you take this woman?’ Heche yelled, ‘I do!'” —CONAN O’BRIEN on Late Night

“I’ve never been considerate before, but I’ve seen it done, and I’ve read about it, and I’m going to give it a shot.” —Scheming contestant WILL, before comforting housemate NICOLE, on Big Brother 2

“J. Lo doesn’t understand me. To a dog, that’s like climbing Mount Everest.” —TRIUMPH THE INSULT COMIC DOG, after JENNIFER LOPEZ rebuffed his request to sniff her butt, on MTV’s Video Music Awards

“Gary Condit is back in Washington, and his wife is now doing everything she can to keep him in line—and today she installed a motion detector in his pants.” —DAVID LETTERMAN on Late Show