1 J. LO The rumor is she’s pregnant. That famous Grammy dress should come in real handy if she decides to breast-feed.
2 XENA It’s her last year of fighting criminals, hucksters, egomaniacs, and slimeballs. Unless she stays in showbiz.
3 LARA CROFT The busty, bare-legged archaeologist defies death a thousand ways. Exposure not the least of them.
4 JENNA AND BARBARA A Canadian radio station reportedly invited them to party up where the legal drinking age is only 18. ”But Dad will never let us go overseas by ourselves!”
5 ROSIE O’DONNELL She may work on a new show that’s a cross between Let’s Make a Deal and Queen for a Day. Isn’t that called Divorce Court?
6 GODZILLA MEAT A Japanese company is reportedly planning to sell cans of corned beef with this on the label. Then what the hell is Spam?
7 MICHAEL SKUPIN The Survivor who fell into the campfire might run for U.S. Senate. You’ve got to start at the bottom before running for Prez.
8 KOMODO DRAGON One mauled Mr. Sharon Stone’s toe at the L.A. Zoo. It was touch and go but they say the reptile will live.
9 SHARON STONE She’s suing producers for more than $14 million for not making Basic Instinct 2. It used to be that you could not make three movies for that kind of money.
10 BILLY RAY CYRUS He says he needs help saying the big words as an M.D. on Doc. Yes, DOA doesn’t rhyme with boa.
11 BILL MURRAY He and his brothers may open golf-themed restaurants. Try the green salad, made from very short grass.
12 BRITNEY SPEARS Teens can now go shopping with her online and buy the same wildly expensive clothes she buys. How can parents thank her enough?
13 MOZART A new theory blames his death on undercooked pork chops. Thanks to a Beef and Poultry Council grant.
14 BOZO THE CLOWN After 40 years, the Chicago TV legend is going off the air. He will be replaced by Chris Matthews the clown.
15 PEARL HARBOR What do you call a hugely hyped big-budget film that loses steam after opening week? A boxbluster.