1 ON THE ROAD The typed manuscript of the Beat Generation’s most famous book sold for $2.4 million. It’ll look good in your bohemian penthouse, man.
2 THE GO-GO’S The ’80s girl band is back, saying how happy they are to be working together again. Like George W. Bush likes working with Jim Jeffords.
3 THE SOPRANOS The series recently debuted in Italy. Except over there it’s called Father Knows Best.
4 DIRTY MONEY It turns out paper money is crawling with icky, infectious bacteria. Or I’d be happy to pick up the check.
5 PRINCE Seems the self-improving pop star has decided to stop swearing. Easy for him — he doesn’t fly coach.
6 SESAME WORKSHOP A newspaper says 70 staffers were laid off. This downsizing was brought to you by the letter F.
7 THE ANIMAL Rob Schneider plays a six-million-dollar man built with animal parts. But his body rejected everything but the horse’s ass.
8 ICHIRO People are flocking to see the Seattle Mariners’ ichiban batting star. While enjoying traditional ballpark food — sashimi and a nice warm sake.
9 WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN? Having to sit through Pearl Harbor twice.
10 PRINCE PHILIP He denies remarks suggesting son Charles is ”lacking in the dedication” needed to be king. Yeah, Charles didn’t work hard the way Philip did to get his title.
11 RICK SCHRODER He may be leaving NYPD Blue. Unless they start giving him some nude scenes at the office, too.
12 EVEREST A 15-year-old, a blind man, and a 64-year-old just reached the peak. If Drew Carey ever makes it, it’s over.
13 STANLEY CUP FINALS There’s something about playing ice hockey in June that screams, ”What power shortages?”
14 KRISTIN The TV sitcom about a small-town girl who tries to make it in the big city. Unfortunately, this woman wouldn’t make it in a small town.
15 SUMMER JOBS Teens aren’t being offered the vice presidencies of dotcom start-ups this year. But there’s plenty of work repossessing dotcom office furniture.