1 RUDY GIULIANI The New York City mayor, his estranged wife, and his mistress are still brawling in public. Making The Producers the second funniest show in town.
2 BARBRA STREISAND The AFI has given the singer/actress/director/producer/activist a lifetime achievement award. Quick, before she does something else.
3 O.J. The outcast football player is giving career advice to Robert Blake. On how to be shunned.
4 MONICA LEWINSKY She reportedly wants prosecutors to return her infamous blue dress. Good luck, if the FBI filed it.
5 BASKETBALL PLAY-OFFS Such suspense. Will the Lakers win in three or four?
6 BOB DYLAN’S 60TH BIRTHDAY Hippo brednay to yown/Hippo brednay to yown/Hippy brednay drerz Bobby/Hippee brednau to yowneez.
7 PEARL HARBOR Affleck or no Affleck, this is not going to be a big hit in Japan.
8 CHARLTON HESTON The 77-year-old actor was voted president of the NRA for a fourth term. Or was it the NRAARP?
9 ERIN BROCKOVICH-ELLIS The in-demand former legal aide will write a motivational book. It’s called Chicken Soup for the Class-Action Soul.
10 LOFT STORY The French version of Big Brother is a huge hit — to the dismay of the French. It’s so hard to act superior when you’re voting people off a TV show.
11 MISS COLOMBIA David Letterman accidentally ruffled international feathers by joking she could swallow 50 balloons of heroin. He meant to say cocaine.
12 BARBARA WALTERS Why do people think she’d dump ABC for changing 20/20’s time slot…when she can hold out for a big raise and a seat on the board?
13 POLYGAMY A Utah man was convicted of having five wives. But he refused to use the insanity defense.
14 SURVIVORS Alicia and Colby were seen smooching at a club. I dreamed I threw rice at their wedding and they ate it.
15 GEORGE W. BUSH He told Yale grads that a C student can become President. D students become political pundits.