Bruce Fretts says: How can we ask ''Where are they now?'' if they WON'T GO AWAY?

By Bruce Fretts
Updated May 15, 2001 at 04:00 AM EDT
Jerri Manthey, The Young and the Restless
Credit: Jerri Manthey: CBS
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genre rates the Survivors’ future prospects

It’s a testament to our hyperspeed pop culture that CBS’ ”Survivor: The Australian Outback” offered a ”where are they now?” show ONE WEEK after the last episode aired. Not surprisingly, ”Back from the Outback” revealed that not much has happened to the 16 contestants in the few months since the show finished filming. Here are the highlights:

MAD DOG lost 20 pounds, gained two tattoos (a kangaroo on her calf and a crocodile on her bicep), and a fake bake tan (thanks to her new sunbed). But she still mucks out her own donkey stall.

DEBB went back to her job as a guard at a New Hampshire prison, where the inmates all watched her on their color cable TVs. Your tax dollars at work.

KEL, falsely accused of stealing beef jerky, has been approached by several beef jerky companies about doing ads. ”I’m actually going to be making money off Jerri’s lies,” he said. ”I find that the sweetest revenge.”

JERRI landed a guest spot on CBS’ soap ”The Young & the Restless.” Colby dubbed her ”a bitch who’ll be laughing all the way to the bank.”

AMBER returned to her hometown of Beaver, Penn.., where she’s pondering posing nude for Playboy. (Insert your own joke here.)

RODGER is back on his Kentucky farm, where, he reports, ”the cows still look at me the same way.” Whew.

JEFF announced that he has acquired an agent. For what, I have no idea.

ALICIA has done photo shoots for Sports Illustrated for Women and Muscle and Fitness. Not surprisingly, PETA’s magazine hasn’t contacted her yet.

KIMMI was a presenter at an animal awards show, where she was introduced by Judd Nelson — who knows a thing or two about turkeys from his days on ”Suddenly Susan.”

MITCHELL recorded his own version of ”I Will Survive” and dressed up in white tie and tails to shoot a music video in Times Square. Amazingly, no one beat him up.

MIKE has been born again and now lectures kids about the dangers of addiction. Not to mention falling into campfires.

NICK is completing Harvard Law School and hopes to run for governor some day. ”If this is the highlight of my life,” he said, ”I’ll be kinda sad.” That makes two of us.

ELISABETH got engaged to her football player beau Tim Hasselback. First season vet Jenna said the weepy shoe designer ”annoys the crap out of me.” Jealous much?

KEITH is still engaged to ”Peas” and is writing a book called ”Yes, I Can Cook Rice.” But is it edible?

COLBY moved from his small West Texas hometown to Dallas, where he enjoys riding his motorcycle without a helmet. Maybe THAT explains why he kicked off Keith instead of Tina.

TINA is the biggest star in Knoxville, Tenn., where she’s constantly signing autographs and posing for pictures. Enjoy it while you can, lady.

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Survivor: The Australian Outback

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