Not Ty Burr. He's already forgotten who was on the damned show

By Ty Burr
May 10, 2001 at 04:00 AM EDT
Amber Brkich: CBS
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Who cares about the ”Survivor” cast’s future?

So Amber has just posed in the (one assumes) near altogether for the men’s magazine Stuff.

Excuse me, but Amber who?

I don’t know about you, but my closure with the ”Survivor” 2 gang was immediate, total, and untinged by sorrow. The moment Bryant Gumbel asked his last obsequious yet somehow arrogant question of the Australia 16, they were purged from my mind: gone, flushed, swirling in the backwash of the past like an empty bag of Doritos. Colby? The Texas jock with the mama issues, right? Tina? The one who won the money and got a makeover, correct? Nick? No, sorry, no memory of him at all.

Contrast this with the crew from the first ”Survivor”: Richard ”Prince Machobelly” Hatch, Susan ”Tapioca” Hawk, Sean ”Hope he’s not on duty when I get wheeled into the E.R. with life threatening sciatica” Kenniff. Who can forget them? Well, I can, but at least I was willing to allow them their alloted 15 minutes of bottom feeding fame. I even feel a tickle of nostalgic delight over the prospect of Colleen ”Cooleen” Haskell’s major motion picture debut in the pretty sure to suck Rob Schneider vehicle ”Animal.”

But these other folks? Are they still even in the room? I know, I know, we’ll be seeing Colby (a.k.a. Oedipus Tex) shilling for beer and pick up trucks for the next year at least, but it’s amazing how quickly they’ve passed from the pop culture radar screen, let alone the portion of my heart portioned off for demeaning, irrelevant reality TV. Is it because the second season of ”Survivor” featured a cast that was oddly a little TOO nice? Is it because the last two hours of the show itself were so devoid of event as to make it seem that CBS had been temporarily taken over by the Zen Broadcasting System (do you know anyone who found the tiki carving / tossing ritual anything less than dead air?). Should we blame it on Mark Burnett and his crew of editing elves, who in each show blatantly spelled out the identity of the next evictee by focussing on everyone EXCEPT him or her?

Or is it our fault? Are we so bored already with the tropes and tricks of the ”Survivor” concept that we’re already looking for greener pastures of junk to graze in? Was this whole gimmick merely a one trick pony?

Well… yeah. And shoving sponsors’ products down our throats the second time around didn’t make it any more palatable. Maybe I’ll watch ”Survivor” 3 and maybe I won’t (although it’d help if Burnett & Co. let us know what COUNTRY in Africa it’s going to take place in — or does the entire continent look the same to them?). But even if I do, I think the experience will be even more evanescent than the one that has just passed with Tina and Colby and, uh, Bambi, and… um… Bob?

Read All About Survivor for EW.com’s comprehensive coverage.

Get ”Survivor” 2 news from Time.com.

And visit People.com for more ”Survivor” 2 coverage.

Are you already over ”Survivor” 2?

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