Be careful what you wish for, says Bruce Fretts, as the Down Under show takes a turn to the Confucian

By Bruce Fretts
April 10, 2001 at 04:00 AM EDT
Nick Brown: CBS
  • TV Show

”Survivor” cast boots off low key Nick

If a Survivor falls in the outback and doesn’t make a sound, will anyone care? That’s only one of the Confucian questions raised by the most recent episode of CBS’ reality -apalooza. Low key law student Nick Brown was the latest to go down, as the former Ogakor alliance of Colby, Tina, Keith, and Amber came together again to pick off another ex- Kucha. (This doesn’t bode well for Nick’s old teammates Elisabeth and Rodger.)

The lethargic Nick set the tone for this first episode A.J. (After Jerri). Yet the slower pace allowed for greater moments of contemplation, like when Colby invoked the spirit of the ’70s martial arts drama ”Kung Fu.” Admitting he couldn’t catch insects as well as chef Keith, the cowboy confessed, ”I may have to go to the master, so he can teach young Grasshopper how to wrangle grasshoppers.” Here are a few more pearls of wisdom we gleaned this week:

Four Doritos in the hand are worth more than a mystery plate. Nick may have overspent in the food auction reward challenge, paying 60 Australian dollars for four nachos (”that’s more than 10 dollars a chip!” Tina helpfully added). But that was a bargain compared to Amber’s $200 purchase of a covered dish that turned out to be a tall glass of river water. Sucker!

Sometimes an empty stomach is better than a full one. They may have tasted good going down, but the culinary ”rewards” didn’t sit well with some of the Survivors. After wolfing down a cheeseburger, Rodger needed to make a trip ”over the hill to the latrine.” Nick, who washed down his chips and salsa with a beer, was a bit less decorous: ”I’m gonna go take a bath so the whole tent doesn’t smell like ass by the end of the night.” Lovely.

You cannot have fire without water. At least not in this week’s Rube Goldbergesque immunity challenge, which required the contestants to pour water into a leaky bucket on one end of a scale, thus lifting a bucket of fire on the other end high enough to light a fuse. (You’d think after Mike got burned, the producers wouldn’t play with fire again.) Colby completed the feat first and promptly high fived host Jeff Probst. Is that appropriate?

”There’s worse things in life than being wet — such as starving to death.” Or so Tina figured when Probst offered the famished players a two week supply of rice in exchange for their shelter — tarps and Colby’s Texas flag. The Barramundis accepted and immediately built a new camp. We’ll check back with Tina on this when the floods hit in next week’s episode.

Be careful what you wish for. ”Today I’m like, ‘Oh God, please get me out of here sometime soon,”’ Nick moaned shortly before getting the boot. So it was, as Tina chirped, ”You said you were tired of playing the game and you weren’t having fun anymore, so here’s your ticket, buddy!”

”If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a merry Christmas.” And if any of you grasshoppers can figure out what the heck Colby meant by this aphorism, then the student has surpassed the master.

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