GANDOLFINI ENVY (n.) The irrational, widespread desire to be more like overweight, balding, middle-aged mobsters.
ALBANIAN (n.) A devotee of luscious-lipped Dark Angel beauty Jessica Alba.
JACK UP (v.) To insert a flamboyant gay character into a TV series.
98[DEGREES] OF SEPARATION (n.) The theory that the multitude of teen-pop music acts are really the same six or seven people in different disguises, dating only among themselves.
COSTNER-NATION (n.) The frustration of an aging matinee idol whose films are 3,000 miles from turning a profit.
BETTE NOIR (n.) An abandoned sitcom built around a fading Hollywood star (e.g., Midler, Geena Davis, John Goodman).
SCARECROWE (n.) An FBI agent assigned to guard an A-list bad boy against kidnappers.
— Adam Bluestein and I.W. Nicholson