1. CALISTA FLOCKHART
She and Garry Shandling were reportedly seen ”smooching” on a California beach. They weren’t kissing; that’s how she’s fed.
2. JOAN RIVERS
The sharp-tongued comedienne is a grandmother at last. And the kid is soooo beautiful. (Turn head, make face, point finger down throat.)
3. CAST AWAY
Tom Hanks spends four years on a deserted island. He’s the one person who can say ”What election?”
4. DAVID SPADE
An assistant allegedly used a stun gun on him in his own home. There goes that reference letter.
She feels safer in London than in L.A. They still rob you — it just sounds classier with a British accent.
6. STEPHEN KING
He pulled the plug on his cybernovel, in part because too many readers weren’t paying. That’s the one thing he finds scary.
7. CATHERINE ZETA-JONES
She says she was happy to sign a prenup. She also enjoys natural childbirth and leg waxing.
8. MEL GIBSON
In What Women Want, he plays a man who can read women’s minds. But in his next movie, he’ll play a straight man.
9. THE FAMILY MAN
Bachelor Nic Cage wakes up to find he has a wife and kids. The problem starts when married men wake up thinking they’re bachelors.
People post pictures of themselves here and the public votes on their attractiveness. Yet some people say the Internet is just a waste of time.
11. MISS CONGENIALITY
Tomboy special agent Sandra Bullock pretends to be a dainty beauty-pageant contestant. The hard part was finding a two-piece shoulder holster.
12. PROOF OF LIFE
Russell Crowe tries to find Meg Ryan’s husband. They looked under her sheets but never found him.
13. VERTICAL LIMIT
A movie about all the different ways you can die while mountain climbing. I’d rather watch Horizontal Limit, about all the ways you can die in bed.
14. MONICA LEWINSKY
She’s been called again to appear before the independent counsel. All this rushing — it’s madness!
15. FAST FOOD
A woman claims she found a crispy fried chicken head in her box of wings. It may be disgusting, but they say it tastes just like chicken.