By Karen Valby
Updated September 01, 2000 at 04:00 AM EDT

In Mike Nelson’s Movie Megacheese, Michael Nelson, former head writer and host of Mystery Science Theater 3000, contends that all movies must measure up to the gutter standards set by the 1989 bar brawler Road House: ”Films not containing poor performances by Patrick Swayze or Kevin Tighe will be judged harshly.” If movies are going to be bad, Nelson thinks they should wallow in their stink. His targets range from Carl Weathers’ tough-guy cop in Action Jackson to the ”Coast Is Toast!” epic Volcano to Paulina Porizkova’s would-be star turn in Her Alibi. Nelson’s relentless one-liners eventually grate, especially the unwelcome personal asides (”My greatest fear is that of being buried alive in Roquefort”), but cineasts who love film slumming will eat this up. B