Celebrity auctions -- From "Dieter'''s monkey to a date with ''The Perfect Storm'''s George Clooney, some star items we'd like to see on the block

By Noah Robischon and Ann Limpert
Updated August 04, 2000 at 04:00 AM EDT

Raising money for charity is one thing, but those online celebrity auctions are going, going, gone too far. Is a bidding war on the warm-up jacket from Coolio’s garage even remotely possible? Well, Alternative Entertainment Network (www.aentv.com) seems to think so — the auction starts Aug. 1. And now Leeza Gibbons is hawking AllStar Experiences (www.allstarcharity. com), though going to an after-concert party with teenybopper-of-the-minute Jessica Simpson probably isn’t much of an ”all-star” event. Still, we’re all for charity, so here are a few pieces we’d like to put on the block and the worthy causes they’d support.

ITEM Dieter’s monkey, continuous loving and touching included.
TO BENEFIT Fund to pay Mike Myers’ legal bills now that he’s heading to court with Universal and Imagine over Dieter, the ”Sprockets” movie.

ITEM A trip to Wet ‘n’ Wild Night at Scores with Perfect Storm stud George Clooney.
TO BENEFIT Mark Wahlberg’s ladies’-man image.

ITEM The beautiful Meg Ryan.
TO BENEFIT Proceeds sponsor the Dennis Quaid-versus-Russell Crowe gladiator battle on pay per view.

ITEM A long voyage to Pulau Tiga with Gretchen Cordy, who will kick all remaining Survivors’ butts for giving her the boot.
TO BENEFIT CBS’ flagging revenues when the show is over.

ITEM An evening with Sex and the City‘s chlamydia-prone Miranda. TO BENEFIT Your primary-care physician.