TV's funniest lines from the week of May 19 to 25

By EW Staff
Updated May 26, 2000 at 04:00 AM EDT

”He said, ‘I want you to play an alcoholic, drug-addicted pornographer.’ And I said, ‘I’ve been rehearsing for this part for 20 years.”
Charlie Sheen, about his brother Emilio Estevez casting him in Rated X, on Live With Regis and Kathie Lee

”Yesterday the Olympic torch was lit in Athens, Greece. It will now be carried all 8,000 miles to New Mexico, where the park service will use it to light the rest of the state on fire.”
Jay Leno on The Tonight Show

”Shaquille O’Neal received 120 out of 121 first-place MVP votes. It would’ve been unanimous, but the NBA allowed one music critic to vote.”
Craig Kilborn on The Late Late Show

”An Arizona man was taken into custody by police last week for stalking singer Linda Ronstadt at a Phoenix concert hall. [He] was arrested and charged with ‘living in the ’70s.”’
Colin Quinn on SNL