The 15 hottest topics the week of April 7, 2000

By Jim Mullen
Updated April 07, 2000 at 04:00 AM EDT

1 The Wall Street Journal
They polled Academy Award voters and printed the results. Fine. Next week we’re gonna start picking stocks.

2 Whitney Houston
She says she missed the Oscars because her voice wasn’t up to snuff. That never stopped Burt Bacharach.

3 Baseball Opening Day
It’s never been so exciting. We’ve got tickets to see the Rehabs play the Suspended Sentences.

4 The Filth and the Fury
A documentary about the Sex Pistols. Or the New York State Senate campaign.

5 The Road to El Dorado
A cartoon about those wild and wacky conquistadors. Teaching kids about the fun side of looting a continent.

6 Woody Harrelson
He’ll have to stand trial for planting harmless commercial hemp seeds. If it had been tobacco, he’d get a subsidy.

7 Daylight Saving Time
It lets us watch TV by natural light for an extra hour a day.

8 Freaks and Geeks
NBC canceled the critically acclaimed, low-rated show. If they’re not popular in high school, why would they be popular on TV?

9 High Fidelity
John Cusack leads a gang of slacker record-store clerks. As if we needed another reason to shop online.

10 Backstreet Boys
A Canadian university blasted protesters with the boy band’s music. To get rid of mice they use Mariah Carey.

11 The Skulls
A secret college society will stop at nothing to further their evil ends. As opposed to business majors, who do it out in the open.

12 Mick Jagger
He told a London paper his school days were a nightmare. The principal wouldn’t let him date Brazilian supermodels.

13 Wonderland
A prime-time drama about deranged mental patients. I get enough of that at work.

14 Kathleen Turner
She appears nude in a London stage version of The Graduate. Critics gave her a B. Or was it a 36B?

15 Disney
Employees at their theme parks can now wear mustaches. The workers’ new campaign: ”Beards by 3000!”