The funniest TV lines from the week of Aug. 13, 1999

By EW Staff
Updated August 13, 1999 at 04:00 AM EDT


”Ellen DeGeneres is going to be doing a show next fall for the CBS television network. They don’t really know what the show is going to be about yet, but they’re considering a title…Not Everybody Loves Raymond.” DAVID LETTERMAN on Late Show

”The first female space shuttle commander, Eileen Collins, successfully returned to earth last night and celebrated by immediately stripping off her space suit to reveal a Nike prototype space bra.” JON STEWART on The Daily Show

”Crayola announced the winner of its contest to rename the horribly racist crayon Indian Red: Chestnut. A class-action lawsuit was immediately filed by breast fetishists across the country.” CRAIG KILBORN on The Late Late Show

”Woodstock 99 ended violently…in looting, fires, and vandalism. For the love of God, what is it you kids are rebelling against?” DENNIS MILLER on Dennis Miller Live