TV's funniest lines from Mar 13 to 18, 1999

By EW Staff
Updated March 19, 1999 at 05:00 AM EST

”Earlier this week, Jerry Springer traveled to England to deliver a lecture on family values in America. For instance, he explained that the value of a mother-daughter threesome is five ratings points.”
Conan O’Brien on Late Night

”A knight is like an Emmy and the lord is like an Oscar.”
Oscar nominee Ian McKellen to host Jon Stewart, who confused the British titles, on The Daily Show

”She dumped me after the other ornithologists gave her crap about going out with a guy named Finch.”
Dennis Finch (David Spade) on Just Shoot Me

”It makes the day seem shorter.”
Paul (Richard Kind), explaining why he comes to work late, on Spin City

”Many of the nation’s movie theaters raised their prices over the weekend. Movie prices are the highest in Manhattan, where it now costs nine-fifty for a ticket and two dollars to sneak in for free.”’
Dennis Miller on Dennis Miller Live