TV's funniest lines from November 20 - November 26

”Oh, sure they will — when pigs fly, hell freezes over, and Magic Johnson gets a job teaching English.”
Darryl (D.L. Hughley), assessing his son’s pathetic soccer team’s chance of winning on The Hughleys

”Why do we have to take this thing? I think it’s fascist and discriminates against the uninformed.”
Xander (Nicholas Brendon), discussing the SATs on Buffy the Vampire Slayer

”Sean Connery’s wife was robbed of about $1 million worth of jewelry while she was at dinner. To add insult to injury, Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnan were called in to investigate.”
Colin Quinn on SNL

”I fear flying…. Every time I step out of an airplane, I consider it a failed suicide attempt.”
Barry Sonnenfeld, Fantasy Island executive producer, on The Late Late Show With Tom Snyder