Jim Mullen's Hotsheet
1 THE ROLLING STONES They plan to charge up to $300 a ticket on their next tour. The good news is that Medicare will cover $250 of it.
2 TOMMY LEE JONES He avoided serious injury in a recent riding accident. The horse thought he was Tommy Lee.
3 GEORGE MICHAEL In a new video he plays a cop making an arrest in a public rest room. Where does he get his ideas?
4 THE WATERBOY The latest Adam Sandler money machine is fun for the entire family. If the entire family is under 10.
5 CALISTA FLOCKHART She insists she’s eating healthy meals. It’s true. If you look closely you can see the outline of what she had for lunch.
6 HOWARD STERN He says if TV stations drop his show, he must be doing something right. Then Costello must have been perfect.
7 DEEPAK CHOPRA The spiritual advisor is helping NBC programmers. It’s already resulted in a new pilot: Guruing Pains.
8 TOM CRUISE They wouldn’t let him rent a film at Blockbuster because he didn’t have two forms of ID. He can’t afford to buy?
9 THE SIEGE A movie about terrorists who try to take over New York City. Those poor terrorists.
10 IVANA TRUMP She plans to start a lifestyle magazine for bored rich women. It’ll be called Harpy’s Bazaar.
11 ABCNEWS.COM They posted election returns a day early. How’d they know how many times I planned to vote?
12 THE X-FILES The new season will be shot in Los Angeles. There you don’t search for the paranormal, you trip over it.
13 PENIS TRANSPLANTS A doctor in Italy has asked his government for permission to perform the operation. He’ll never find a male donor that dead.
14 THOMAS JEFFERSON New DNA tests suggest he did sire a child with his slave Sally Hemings. So that’s what they mean by ”Founding Fathers.”
15 BOTTLED WATER A report indicates that drinking it may promote tooth decay. No wonder Coca-Cola wants to get into the business.