Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet
1 Halloween Have you seen the Ken Starr costume? It costs $40 million and looks like a cheap suit.
2 The World Series The ratings haven’t been as high as Fox had hoped. Next year they’re getting the 300-pound tumor to play second base.
3 John Glenn He’s blasting off again to study the effects of space travel on seniors. And to chase away annoying aliens with a garden hose.
4 ‘Swan Lake’ Broadway’s new show features an all-male swan ensemble. Next they’ll try The Nutcracker.
5 Seinfeld He’s been seen with a 26-year-old newlywed. The husband wants her home by 10 or she’s grounded.
6 ‘Soldier’ Kurt Russell plays a dehumanized, nonverbal killing machine. So he’s a mailman?
7 The New $ 20 Bills Who needs to counterfeit them? You can make more money by saying ”Didn’t I give you a $50?”
8 Butter Knife A kid was suspended for bringing one to school. Was his name Niles Crane?
9 ‘Brimstone’ Satan sends a dead cop back to earth to collect people who have escaped from hell. This show could be on daily.
10 The VH1 Fashion Awards Where do you put something like that? Next to your Nobel Prize?
11 Iceberg A-38 They say it’s bigger than the state of Delaware. What isn’t?
12 ’20/20′ The Disney-owned news show killed an expose on…Disney. It was called ”Making Kids Happy — the Bastards.”
13 Geri Halliwell The former Ginger Spice has been made a goodwill ambassador to the U.N. If nearly breaking up a famous pop group isn’t experience enough, what is?
14 Riley Weston The 32-year-old Felicity writer pretended she was 19. What kind of person would do that just for a high-paying, glamorous job?
15 ‘Pleasantville’ A movie about two teenagers trapped inside a 1950s sitcom. Or what the Secret Service calls family meals at the White House.