TV's funniest quotes from the week of September 26-October 1, 1998

”Like all low-budget porn, the audio was terrible, and it took way too long to get to the good parts.”
CRAIG KILBORN, analyzing the Clinton testimony video, on The Daily Show

”In 1993, the year we went on the air, Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett, Prince changed his name to a weird symbol, and Michael Jordan quit the Bulls to play baseball. So, as you can see, we were hardly the year’s biggest mistake.”
CONAN O’BRIEN on Late Night’s 5th Anniversary Primetime Special

”Men are always trying to mentally undress me. I’m just trying to save them some time.”
ALLY (CALISTA FLOCKHART), explaining her extremely short skirts, on Ally McBeal

”Because of the Clinton stuff, the country is ignoring Al Gore altogether. Earlier today — this is very sad — to get a little attention, Al Gore deliberately misspelled potato.”