September 11, 1998 at 04:00 AM EDT

”This isn’t the first time [Paul] Simon has been harassed. For 10 years he was followed by a creepy guy with a high-pitched voice and a fright wig.” — Craig Kilborn, about the pop star’s recent stalking, on The Daily Show

”Maybe you have that on backwards.” — Jay Leno, when guest Halle Berry kept falling out of her low- cut dress, on The Tonight Show

”Mark McGwire has admitted to taking a supplement that boosts your testosterone. He also bragged that if he keeps taking the supplement, he won’t need a bat anymore.” — Conan O’Brien on Late Night

”[Hurricane Bonnie] probably won’t hit Martha’s Vineyard. But just in case, Hillary Clinton tied down the President’s dinghy.” — Bill Maher on Politically Incorrect

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