Rob Schneider, Jean-Claude Van Damme, ...

And now, a word or two from thespian Jean-Claude Van Damme as a former biggie in Hong Kong’s imitation­brand clothing business who gets tangled up with Russian mobsters, rogue CIA agents, and random baddies: “I always made a quality piece of crap.” With such truth in advertising, it’s hard to get picky about this happy piece of Hong Kong action schlock, directed with a garmento‘s appreciation for the gaudy by the redoubtable director Tsui Hark (who never met a visual novelty he didn’t like). Van Damme and his cronies (including Lela Rochon, Paul Sorvino, and, for no immediately graspable reason, Rob Schneider as Van Damme’s rabbity sidekick) race, speed, shoot, chop, and zip through scenes of such festive mayhem, plot is a clunky afterthought, like a lopsided fake Prada label on a cheap nylon knapsack.

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