What the country is talking about this week ...

1 CLINTON Pundits wonder why he polls so well. Because he’s the only person on TV not talking about Monica Lewinsky.

2 DIANA It’s been a year since she died. Wonder if they’ll say anything about it on TV?

3 WAG THE DOG Lucky for Afghanistan the movie wasn’t called Nuke the Dog.

4 MARK MCGWIRE The home-run leader has been boosting his testosterone level. What’s he been drinking — beer?

5 GRANDPA MUNSTER Actor Al Lewis is running for governor of New York. His big issue is cemetery overcrowding.

6 CLONING A billionaire gave a scientist $5 million to replicate his dog. He was going to give the money to the poor, but they’d just waste it.

7 SONY They recalled their night-vision camcorder because it could see through clothes. Just when people were starting to sit through your home movies.

8 ANTIPERSPIRANT Researchers have found putting it on your feet will prevent blisters. And you think your job sucks.

9 WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE Fifties singing star Frankie Lymon was married to three women at the same time. Hard to believe, but he died broke and unhappy.

10 MUMMY SPICE Two of the Spice Girls were surprised to find out that they’re pregnant. They swear they’ve never met President Clinton.

11 TITANIC It may break all records when it’s released on video. There’s only one problem — the tape breaks in half the first time you play it.

12 KEGGER U SUNY Albany has been named the No. 1 party school in the country. They give a degree in public urination.

13 CRIME AND PUNISHMENT A judge made a vandal watch Saving Private Ryan as his sentence. But if he breaks probation he’ll have to see The Avengers.

14 54 About how old you’d have to be to want to see a movie about a disco.

15 MARILYN MANSON Newspapers have barred ads for the new CD because the cover is too revealing. I didn’t even know she had a new CD.

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