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NAUGHTY AND NICE The Parents Television Council (PTC), a conservative watchdog group, has issued its annual report on the year’s most (and least) offensive shows, which is always a fun read, filled with lots of dirty words. This year, The WB scored a unique double: Its Dawson’s Creek was named the filthiest of PTC’s ”dirty dozen,” while its squeaky-clean 7th Heaven placed high on the group’s ”diamond dozen” list.

Creek earned Most Objectionable honors with its Pacey-beds- his-teacher plotline. ”It had to be outrageous to stand out among the many references to raging hormones, penis size, masturbation, and the like,” notes PTC.

7th Heaven, however, got PTC props for showing ”the importance of supportive families … and parental involvement in the moral, spiritual, and academic education of their children.”

But back to the bad shows: The dirty dozen also included Fox’s Ally McBeal, (for featuring ”penis size, oral sex, and the differences between marital and nonmarital intercourse”); Spin City (”condones heterosexual promiscuity and homosexuality”); and Ellen (you can figure that one out for yourself).

FAMILY AFFAIR If the PTC is up in arms about broadcast TV, it should check out how Rupert Murdoch and Fox are overhauling the once staid and conservative Family Channel (now Fox Family Channel), which they bought last year for $1.9 billion.

The only vestige of the net’s old lineup — mostly ancient repeats like The Big Valley and recent repeats with ancient casts such as Diagnosis Murder — is Pat Robertson‘s evangelical talk show The 700 Club. Before he agreed to sell the net to Murdoch, Robertson made sure his show would stay put. Although new Fox Family Channel prez and CEO Rich Cronin promises the net will still air ”all family programming,” one wonders how Mel Brooks’ off-color Western Blazing Saddles, screened on a recent Sunday, merits that label. Other upcoming FFC ”family” movies? Ex-Baywatcher Donna D’Errico in National Lampoon’s Men in White (a sci-fi parody), Tom Arnold in National Lampoon’s Golf Punks (Happy Gilmore meets The Bad News Bears), and ex-SNL fixture Mr. Bill in Ohh, Nooo!!!, Mr. Bill Presents. What’s next, When God Attacks?

7th Heaven
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