The funniest TV lines from the week of July 31, 1998

“You know whose birthday is today? Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance. If you haven’t gotten him a gift yet, you can’t go wrong with a mirror.” JAY LENO on The Tonight Show

“A couple of 18-year-olds are planning to lose their virginity on the Internet…. I believe you’ll be able to find them at” DAVID LETTERMAN on Late Show

“General Electric [is reportedly] considering selling NBC. Actually, I’m a little offended because until they find a buyer, I’ve been asked to stay out of the hallways.” CONAN O’BRIEN on Late Night

“Madonna this week ended negotiations with London producers and said she will not be appearing as Maggie in the play Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. The producers will now go with their second choice: an actress.” DENNIS MILLER on Dennis Miller Live