If Girls Ran Hollywood...
What’s a teenage girl to do? Everywhere she turns, the entertainment industry is greedily trying to get inside her head. And for good reason: Where would Titanic, the casts of Dawson’s Creek, PO5, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and the current slasher-pic boom be without her? Girl Power can even explain the head-scratching $138 million success of Deep Impact: He’s no Leo, but Elijah Wood — and the teen story line in which he was featured — was a big draw for girls. “In the past, you had people asking, How big could this market be if it caters only to a female teenage audience? Because without the males, forget it,” says Craig Zadan, exec producer of 1997’s Cinderella. “That’s just flip-flopped. You have people going, We need more teen series, movies, and records. It’s overwhelming.”
With teen girls making such an impression in Tinseltown, EW wondered, What would happen if girls wielded real power in Hollywood? To find out, we polled the daughters of EW staffers about what they’d do if they became entertainment moguls. You’ll find the results below, along with our observations on how things would change if girls ran Hollywood.
1 The $20 million players would be Neve Campbell, Claire Danes, and Drew Barrymore rather than Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
2 Director Betty Thomas would be hired to give Full House the feature-film treatment she gave The Brady Bunch.
3 Puff Daddy would remake every hit song from the last 20 years and produce songs for all artists in the top 200. Oh, wait, he does that already.
4 Goodbye, StarTAC. Like, hello, pink beepers.
5 The top four networks? Fox, The WB, Nick at Nite, and MTV.
6 Forget Gone With the Wind. The movie getting the splashy, fully remastered rerelease would be Clueless.
7 After the First Family leaves the White House, Chelsea—not Bill—would land a post at DreamWorks.
8 A Titanic sequel? Totally. (One young wannabe pitcher suggests: “Sort of like Godfather Part II. It would show Jack’s life before he got on the ship and Rose’s afterward.”).
9 The teen-catalog company Delia’s—known for its strappy tank tops, slip skirts, and platform slides—would open its flagship store at the Rodeo Drive address now occupied by Armani.
10 Tom Cruise, welcome to elder statesman-hood. (“That guy from Jerry Maguire,” responded one teen when asked whom she might cast in a movie.)
11 Roman Polanski—no way he’s allowed back into Hollywood.
12 Quick! Greenlight adaptations of books like the history-minded “American Girls Collection”; Wicked, the Oz story told from the witch’s point of view; and P.S. Longer Letter Later, a story of two girls entering the seventh grade.
13 That huge Lichtenstein in the lobby of the CAA office? Replace it with posters of Sugar Ray’s Mark McGrath, rapper Mase, and Hanson.
14 Each Spice Girl could go solo and still have a huge career. (Scary!)