What The Country Is Talking About This Week...

1 PRINCE WILLIAM AND CAMILLA The young prince had an unplanned encounter with his father’s “friend.” She tried to hide behind Prince Charles’ ears.

2 JET SKIS The National Park Service may ban personal watercraft from some national parks because they are loud and dirty. Then shouldn’t they ban children, too?

3 FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA A jury gave him $80 million for not making a movie. They must’ve seen Godfather Part III.

4 KAVA KAVA The latest health-food fad touted to be nature’s mood enhancer. It sure is for the people selling it.

5 BOOMER ESIASON The former quarterback will cohost the Miss America Pageant. Yeah, most people watch to see who’s hosting.

6 GM STRIKE It’s costing the company about $75 million a day. There is good news — executive pay won’t be affected.

7 RALPH LAUREN The designer donated millions to repair the original Star-Spangled Banner. Instead of red, white, and blue, it’s now cherry, eggshell, and indigo.

8 ASIAN SWAMP EEL The voracious, land-hopping fish is taking over Florida. It’s Mother Nature’s version of Disney.

9 THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY Full of tasteless, infantile, bathroom humor. I had to wait in a long line to see it.

10 THE ZAPRUDER FILM Repeated viewings of the gruesome tape prove one thing: You live alone, have no friends, and need help.

11 “DOWNTOWN” JULIE BROWN The former VJ has posed for Playboy. She looks so different with her mouth shut.

12 THE MASK OF ZORRO Our aging hero wants to train someone who will be more feared than the original Zorro. That’s easy—call him El Niño.

13 BASEBALL FEVER Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, and Ken Griffey Jr. may all break Roger Maris’ 1961 record. For product endorsements.

14 JENNY MCCARTHY She’s upset that Steven Seagal asked her to strip at an audition. She didn’t want to play a nun anyway.

15 TINA BROWN The New Yorker editor quit to work with a movie studio. The hard part will be learning how to say “Love ya, baby” to John Updike.