Charlie Sheen rhymes in "Sisters"

Movies as bad as Sisters always go straight to video, and this 89-minute film, optimistically billed as “a kaleidoscope of erotic fantasies, of failed loves and lost innocence,” is among the worst of the worst. But Sisters, which stars Peter Berg (Chicago Hope) and Jeff Conaway (a.k.a. Bobby, the feathered-hair guy from Taxi), has one thing that distinguishes it: the poetry of Charlie Sheen, who narrates ditties throughout. Sample couplet:

Did one depart with no remorse,
menstrual mood, unsigned divorce?

Sheenians may be surprised to learn that the troubled actor wrote a book of poetry six years ago, but never found a publisher, according to his publicist Jeff Ballard, who fears Sheen’s work will now be devoured by video philistines: “I have no idea where they got this stuff. I’ve never even heard of this movie.” Sisters executive producer Jerry Feifer explains why: “It’s an old movie. It was shown in Cannes, in 1989.” Feifer says Sheen read his work as a favor to the film’s young producer, Lawrence Bender, who went on to produce Pulp Fiction and Good Will Hunting. Back then, at least, Sheen clearly knew how to pick ’em.

The question remains why Vista Street Entertainment chose this moment (Sisters comes to tape June 30) to release a very bad nine-year-old film. Could it have anything to do with Sheen’s recent drug overdose and stint in rehab? “Not at all,” say Feifer. “It just seemed like the right time. It’s a very arty film.” Ballard begs to differ: “It sounds like they’re using his name to sell videos. But I don’t care. All that matters is that Charlie’s trying to get better. Everything else is of no consequence.” Perhaps the poet anticipated the whole tale himself in these prescient lines:

So what then was the ugly deed,
a broken promise—petty greed?

Sisters (TV)
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