What the country is talking about this week...

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1 GINGER SPICE She’s left the band to do other things. That’s according to her career adviser, Andrew Ridgeley.

2 JEWEL How bad is the neo-folkie’s book of poetry? Dr. Kevorkian’s adding a few copies to his medical bag.

3 CINDY CRAWFORD The supermodel is giving marriage another try. Face it — you can’t judge all men by Richard Gere.

4 THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW Some sixth graders beat up a teacher who wouldn’t let them watch it in class. Maybe their children were going to be on.

5 THE TRUMAN SHOW Jim Carrey doesn’t realize his life is a total sham and all his friends are paid to like him. He’s a studio head.

6 VIAGRA Some want Medicare to pay for it. And for a nice romantic dinner, too.

7 THE WORLD CUP France will host the soccer championships this year. They’re hoping to get over a million new visitors to snub, despise, and ignore.

8 STEVIE NICKS She’s denied the rumor she’s a witch. The same people are now saying she believes the earth is round.

9 THE BILL CLINTON DOLL You touch its crotch, and it says something dirty. It goes with the Al D’Amato doll. You touch its head, and it says something stupid.

10 PAKISTAN They’ve got the bomb. Now they’re working on an intercontinental ballistic taxicab to deliver it.

11 DIRTY WORK Norm Macdonald heads a company you can hire to make the lives of people you don’t like miserable. More commonly known as a law firm.

12 A PERFECT MURDER Michael Douglas hires wife Gwyneth Paltrow’s lover to kill her. If that doesn’t work he’ll try counseling.

13 A NEW PLANET Astronomers have the first picture of one outside our solar system. Whoops! All Virgos are now Leos.

14 THE TONY AWARDS It’s the one chance movie stars get each year to hang out with actors.

15 PRINCESS DIANA Dodi al Fayed’s dad is selling the Malibu beach house they planned to live in. It has 8,500 square feet and no windows.

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