What the country is talking about the week of June 5, 1998

1 THE LAST DAYS OF DISCO A film about a Studio 54-like nightclub. To give you the full experience, they won’t let people like you into the theater.

2 POWERBALL A retired Illinois couple won the $195 million jackpot. ”They plan to stay just the way they are,” said their VP of media relations.

3 PORN STARS They’re getting health insurance. They’d have joined before, but they didn’t want to be in a union called SAG.

4 NORTH DAKOTA AAA says it is the cheapest vacation spot in America. Of course it is — you’re going by yourself.

5 HOPE FLOATS A citified Sandra Bullock returns to her small-town roots after being humiliated on national TV. They ran Speed 2.

6 VIAGRA They’ve warned men not to take it if they’re on heart medicine. Consequently, a lot of men have stopped taking heart medicine.

7 GODZILLA It had a disappointing $55.7 million opening weekend. Maybe it didn’t get enough publicity.

8 CAROL CHANNING The perennial Hello, Dolly! star claims she had sex twice during 41 years of marriage. That’s twice the national average.

9 PAGER NIGHTMARE A technical snafu meant several million people didn’t get their important messages. ”Time to check the satellite” must have been one of them.

10 KNICKS TIX Next year courtside seats will cost $1,350. The only ones who can afford them are basketball players.

11 BRIDGET JONES’S DIARY The British best-seller is a literary Ally McBeal. A new genre — the lack-of-romance novel.

12 CHARLIE SHEEN Another troubled star checks into rehab. The good news is that most of his actor friends will be there to welcome him.

13 MARIAH CAREY She sold her house in ritzy Westchester County for $20 million. Out there that’s a ”fixer-upper.”

14 DR. QUINN, MEDICINE WOMAN CBS canceled the successful show. They wanted Bikini Quinn, Lifeguard Woman.

15 LYME DISEASE The FDA has approved a vaccine for it. Rats! That’s how we scared away weekend visitors.