TV's funniest lines from May 8 to 15

”My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem, but they don’t really know me.”
STEVE (GARRY SHANDLING), a fellow patient of Richard’s (Malcolm Gets) therapist, on Caroline in the City

”Is there any chance that it’s not hers?”
ALLY (CALISTA FLOCKHART), to ex-boyfriend Billy (Gil Bellows) about his apparently pregnant wife, Georgia (Courtney Thorne-Smith), on Ally McBeal

”A new study has revealed that people who exercise regularly are less likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease when they get older. That means that someday Joe Piscopo might be the only person who remembers who he was.”

”At a high school in South Carolina, the principal canceled a free concert by the Indigo Girls after finding out that they are lesbians. The principal said, ‘Luckily I was able to get Melissa Etheridge to fill in.”’
CONAN O’BRIEN on Late Night