TV's funniest lines from April 11 to 17

”I just like middle-aged guys who are virgins.”
Jane (Shae D’Lyn) explaining her interest in attending a Star Trek convention, on Dharma & Greg

”I will not demand what I’m worth.”
Bart Simpson, writing a cheeky chalkboard reference to the cast’s salary dispute, during the opening of The Simpsons

”Seventeen-year-old actor Macaulay Culkin got engaged this week to 17-year-old actress Rachel Miner. It will be the first disastrous marriage for both.”
Colin Quinn on Saturday Night Live

”Paula Jones is desperate to win some legal suit, so early today, she went to McDonald’s and poured hot coffee in her lap.”
David Letterman on Late Show