The funniest TV lines from the week of March 20, 1998

”If he asks you to play chess, don’t even do it. That guy’s, like, a whiz.” — Xander (Nicholas Brendon), after Buffy (Sarah Michelle Gellar) saw Death, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer

”Microsoft chairman Bill Gates testified before the Senate on Tuesday, insisting that Microsoft is not a monopoly, then he hopped into a giant shoe and drove to his red hotel on Baltic Avenue.” — Colin Quinn on Saturday Night Live

”Yesterday, President Clinton called for a new legal standard of drunkenness. I got one. How about when Paula Jones starts looking good to you?” — Jay Leno on The Tonight Show

”Brian was looking for somebody a bit more feminine, and he found him — Stan Jablonsky, that little hussy!” — Lilith (Bebe Neuwirth), explaining why her husband left her, on Frasier