”This is a little out of my price range. My usual menu is brightly lit behind four teenagers.” AMBROSE (DARRYL THEIRSE), dining at a fancy cafe, on George & Leo

”Good evening, I’m Craig Kilborn. Is it just me, or did Christmas break seem extra long this year?” KILBORN, returning from his suspension, on The Daily Show

”Jerry Seinfeld announced he’s going to stop doing his show even though NBC offered to pay him $5 million an episode. Meanwhile, I announced I’m staying at my show even though NBC is going to start charging me.” CONAN O’BRIEN on Late Night

”We want to congratulate Pamela and Tommy Lee. She gave birth to her second child…. It seems like just yesterday we saw the video of the conception.” JAY LENO on The Tonight Show