Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet 1/9/1998

Jim Mullen’s Hot Sheet 1/9/1998

1 JERRY SEINFELD He’s announced this season will be his last. Leaving The McLaughlin Group as the only show on television about absolutely nothing.

2 HUNTER TYLO Striking a blow for all actresses hired as Melrose Place vixens and then fired when they get pregnant.

3 PUERTO RICAN BARBIE Sporting dark hair and a rumba dress, she couldn’t be a bigger stereotype. Unless they made her clean house for the other Barbies.

4 DR. KEVORKIAN He turned in only two bodies last week. Maybe he’s not feeling so well.

5 WOODY ALLEN He married his ex-girlfriend’s 27-year-old adopted daughter. Who was the rebbe—Jeff Foxworthy?

6 SMOKE-FREE BARS California forbids cigarettes in most taverns. Yeah, we don’t want people out on the road after three or four Camels.

7 CHICKEN FLU Doctors can’t figure out how this Hong Kong virus gets passed from birds to humans. Maybe in tiny take-out containers.

8 NEW YORK AND L.A. The murder rate’s the lowest it’s been in decades. I blame violence in movies and TV.

9 MICHAEL JACKSON He reportedly says he plans to have a child with ex-wife Lisa Marie Presley. They think it will make their divorce even stronger.

10 TITANIC MANIA People will watch anything with the doomed ship in the title. With the possible exception of Suddenly Susan’s Titanic.

11 PAMELA LEE The breast milk her new baby doesn’t drink will be donated to the septuplets.

12 AL GORE Apparently Erich Segal based Love Story partly on the VP. And partly on people who are still alive.

13 SPIT A Georgia legislator wants to make it illegal for grocery store baggers to lick their fingers. After that she plans to tackle the small stuff.

14 THE BALDNESS PILL It works but may cause impotence. Women everywhere are saying ”And the bad news is…?”

15 SIR ELTON JOHN The Queen recognized his charity work and musical accomplishments. Not to mention his taxpaying.