What to buy your favorite celeb this season

Forget buying the world a Coke; this holiday season, we’d like to buy Hollywood a clue. Shopping for the entertainment industry’s movers and shakers may not sound easy, but everyone in Tinseltown needs something — even if it’s not available at the mini-mall. So, personal assistants, get ready to write down ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY’s gift suggestions for showbiz’s elite.

To James Cameron, spendthrift Titanic director:
A copy of Quicken Financial Planner software

To Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche, PDA queens:
A hotel room

To Jamie Tarses, beleaguered ABC honcho:
Donald Trump’s The Art of the Comeback (and just in case, a copy of What Color Is Your Parachute?)

To David Duchovny, lovelorn X-Files star:
A stack of frequent-flier certificates, exchangeable for tickets to L.A.

To Jerry Seinfeld:
Scripts that are funny backward and forward

To Fran Drescher, fibbing talk-show guest:
A real life to talk about

To Michael Eisner, oft-sued Disney chief:
Perry Mason

To Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, the hardest-working couple in showbiz:
An indefinite extension on their British work visas

To Don Murphy, battered producer and Quentin Tarantino punching bag:
Pepper spray

To the Hanson brothers:
A third Olsen twin.

To Warner Bros., the superhero-challenged studio:
A deal with Tim Burton to direct Wonder Twins: The Movie

To Chris Rock, comedian extraordinaire:
Anything he wants

To the Spice Girls, overexposure experts:
A case of Pepcid AC

To Celine Dion, bony songstress:
A case of Bulk Force 750 high-calorie protein drink

To Rupert Murdoch, uptight billionaire:
The Game

To Tommy and Pamela Lee, amateur auteurs:
A Steadicam

To NBC, wobbly No. 1 network:
A funny post-Friends sitcom (and we mean ”Ha-ha” funny, not ”Gee, isn’t it funny how NBC’s 8:30 show always sucks?”)

To Michael Jackson, proud papa:
Hyperbaric cribs

To Sean ”Puffy” Combs, sample master:
A karaoke machine and 11 CDs for a penny from Columbia House. That should be good for a dozen or so top 10 hits.

To Stephen King, deal-demanding author:
A calculator and a tougher agent

To Whitney Houston, unreliable diva:
A wake-up call (literally and figuratively)

To Christian Slater, Marv Albert, Mike Tyson, world-champion biters:
Those plastic cone things that keep dogs from chewing their stitches

To Rosie O’Donnell, fawning talk-show host:
Tickle Me Yentl